Fathers day

fathers day is coming up.... buy a card and call the douche bag? or let it be?

I gotta date!!

Well. Over the past couple of weeks since the drama with Luke and I.... I have gone on three dates.. All with the same guy. His name is Alan. He is one of my brothers best friends, and I guess he's had a thing for me for a while now, but I was with Luke. So when Luke and I broke up, Al and I started hanging out. I've been having a blast. Being able to just be me, being silly, laughing and just having a good time and being comfortable in my own skin.

I think my brother is a little uncomfortable with the fact that I have been hanging out with his friend. He says he's okay with it... But I know my brother. But anyways... Life is good and I am moving on to bigger and better things. Life is starting to look up again.

More drama... god am I in high school again? Sure feels like it..

So... Tonight Luke called me.... That was fun.... I was with my best friend Matt, and I put Luke on speaker phone just so Matt could hear the whole conversation and understand where I am coming from... Luke told me tonight that I need help.. and That I need to talk to somebody so they can help me "sort out my feelings" .... Wow.. Fuck you.

I apologize for the swearing... But seriously..

Last few days

Well, The last few days have been very drama full and tearful. Luke and I have been fighting not stop and decided to not talk to each other for a few days to lets things cool down between us, then decide wither or not we should stay together or to break up... So the past couple of days have been very quiet and I am not used to my phone not getting 300 texts a day from him saying "I love you" "how's your day baby" "I miss you" "how ya doin' wid yo fine self?"

I am really not sure what I should do. I don't like the fact his parents have an opinion about EVERYTHING and I am just imagining that if we do get married and have kids, how they are going to tell me to raise our children, or how to cook, or how to do everything. Do I want to deal with that for the rest of my life? And do I want to deal with Luke's semi controlling manner... Not liking when I get my hair cut or colored, when I wear make up, when I wear low cut or tight clothing, or when I swear or call my parents idiots or other names, and wont allow any drinking or smoking.

I mean I love him. The past three days I have cried my eyes out because of all the fighting and all the drama. He knows me better than anybody in this world knows me and treats me like a queen.

So I REALLY don't know what to do....

Can I handle the parents judging me and telling me how I should do things, and the overly You need God in your life to be happy. for the rest of my life?

I was going to try and write a poem, but I failed

I was going to try and express myself in new way by writing a poem or a song or something, sing I love singing so much, But I failed at it. So I'll find the song that I am in love with and made me cry listening to.

You're my world
The shelter from the rain
You're the pills
That take away my pain
You’re the light
That helps me find my way
You’re the words
When I have nothing to say

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

You're the fire
That warms me when I'm cold
You're the hand I have to hold
As I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you

How long has it been
Since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends
And goes like this forever

In this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
Tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

By Staind


Anyways, So mothers day is coming up. My two least times of the year, Mothers day and Fathers day. Luke and I were talking today about that actually and I told him I wasn't calling my mother on mothers day and he was all trying to convince me that I should and it's the right thing to do, but I don't know. I don't owe her anything. Why should I try with her when she gave up on me and walked away 15 years ago?

Weekely updates

Well, the past couple of days have been hell. It's been almost two weeks since Luke and I haven't been able to spend any time together and he and I have been fighting a lot. I told him that I wasn't coming back to school next semester so I can work and get enough money so I can live on my own for a while.

There are only two more weeks left of the semester and I am SO happy about it. I was going to try and take some summer classes, but I need a break from school. School this year has just been really over whelming. When I first started out this semester I was pretty much homeless. I stayed on friends couches, stayed with my mom, and stayed with my aunt and uncle. I also had a broken ass and couldn't sit for MONTHS!!! I had surgery on my ass and I miss three weeks of school. And I had to drop had my classes because of it. This semester has been pretty horrible too. I've had the most ridiculous teachers that make it impossible to have a job and going to school at the same time.

Today Luke and I have been back together for 10 months. These past ten months being back together have been amazing. We've had our disagreements and at times I felt like I was going to lose him due to so much stress from school, work, and my crazy grandma. But I love him. I am really happy that he's back in my life. and I would have not been able to get through everything without him. I am so happy that he got into the college that we wanted to get into, but I am super sad that it's 4 and a half hours away. He's up at his school right now for orientation and he sounds really excited. So I am excited for him. Hopefully I can get my license soon and a decent car, so I can visit him on weeks that I am not busy.

Life is changing so fast. My head is starting to spin. But change is good, right?